Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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