i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
