Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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