I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
