my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize