and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
