That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
