I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
