I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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