Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
