Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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