he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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