I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
