If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
