He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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