is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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