Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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