I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
