gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
