may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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