I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
