Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
