Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
id be glad to
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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