Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
