First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
