I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
