Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
