Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
