And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
