The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
