Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bet he comes in French.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
