is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
MIDGETS
????
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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