Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
