The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
