how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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