And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
