he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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