Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
