they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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