Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
