I want to have your abortion
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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