i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
