I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's the barista slut.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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