is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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