no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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