Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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