Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The uberlube is also flammable
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
