spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
