i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
