I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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