make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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