Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
