she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
