for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Naked Twister starts at high noon
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
