we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
