Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
