She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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