i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
