call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
