I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
