Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
