nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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