Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
